a moment with neurosis...

calm, still, and unsettling. chaos, an unbreakable sound. diseased and disturbed skin, ripple like the polluted waters. swim, still inside of me behind this glass where I can see you. they stare at nothing. lost and left alone. a stone in the soil. an island has survived the tide. creeping further along as the movement is documented so terribly wrong. silence underneath the water. fill me to death so the stone can float to the island it knows as home.

pray...

in this great forgetfulness
words lost in words
world lost withing
individual self a personal truth alone
so far removed
defines some hell
I pray in silence for us
blinded by reactions
this distraction stripped
away all our hope of freedom from ourselves
turned us to slaves
digging us, the hopeless, separate graves
shovel the earth away
I pray in silence for us
that our mother saves
I come to you humbly
with naked truth
that I be shown a new way
on the hands and knees of the bruised
on the ground that we abused

our conscious minds...

...seem to be neverending wells that we are privileged enough to fill with whatever we want. Some believe that it is when these wells are at an empty, or maybe open is a better word, place that information is better received because there is less preconceived thoughts or beliefs abound to dismiss the new or rather the alternative ideas. Much like the way that children are said to be better learners than adults because their minds are coming from much more empty beginnings. Honesty and truth at that point seem to be much more of a feeling, raw and full of instinct, from the heart instead of a structured manifestation of what one thinks to be true or false in the mind, allowing a much more broad spectrum of information to be obtained without cancellation based on what one considers fact due to previous conscious commitments. How often we find ourselves not really listening to what someone is saying because in our minds we are telling ourselves "yeah, whatever", "I already know that", "that's not the way I learned it", or in some cases "that's bullshit, you're crazy", therefore cutting ourselves off from the possibility of learning something different than what we think we know, occurs more and more often the older we get. The notion of right and wrong is very consuming and is often jumped to for conclusion when in reality we could, and in most cases should, realize that thoughts and ideas are merely just different from person to person. Right and wrong are two things that I believe come more from the heart than the mind. Like good and evil. It would seem that the distraction of our minds and what we personally think to be true is the source of one person (person A) doing something that they think is right while another witnesses that person doing something wrong because of their (person B) personal thought structure. This is what keeps us separated as humans, this ultimate distraction that we use as a catalyst to push ourselves further and further away from loving ourselves and each other. This distraction that keeps us moving so far away from the good in our hearts. The amount of struggle and suffering that we put on ourselves and others because we think we know what's what is really quite astounding if one ponders it for a moment.

Why?

Could it be that we heard something that someone said once and liked the way it sounded? Did we read the way we think out of a book or a number of books that were put into our hands at some point? Are we without motivation to question and investigate our own thoughts as to why they are the way they are? Did we also forget to do that when the information was placed in front of us? Have you ever thought what one person or a group of people have to gain if the information they are giving to you is being believed as it is being received? Do you ever find yourself disliking people and ideas that you don't know for no other reason than what you think you know about them? Are you afraid of what you don't know because of what you think you do know?

This distraction is a repetitive cycle. To me it is plain, clear, and obvious why I am struggling and suffering when I am caught in it. To be in fear to me is painful and I am aware that my fears are, although maybe coming from outer sources, forced on by my inner self. It is truly sad when I find myself in such a righteous state of mind that my pain transforms itself into being something that I actually trick myself into thinking feels good and right. I am quick to realize more and more that these are just my feelings spinning out of control and know better and better all the time now how to bring my feelings closer to my source. In my heart I know that it is painful to feel alone and separated from other people. In my heart I know that it is painful to feel that others are out to harm me. In my heart I know that it feels good to love and evil to hate. In my heart I know when my mind is interfering.

Most of us in the world are faced with countless venues that we receive information through in our daily lives from a very, very young age. We are taught so many things. We have the conscious ability, the resources, and in my opinion responsibility, to ponder many different possibilities with every piece of information we receive. We get caught up in our thoughts and lose awareness of our hearts. Our current state of affairs the world over should be enough proof that this is a global human trait. Maybe some event will trigger a reaction in our consciousness to become more aware of the good and love in our hearts. Maybe not. In any case, I feel that we need to establish new ways of learning that abolish our will to judge others and strike each other down. Being more mindful and open to what we believe and how we can better work together with those that might believe different things is becoming more and more important as our population continually grows. We need to realize that right now the reality of the situation is us vs. us, instead of believing what we are told, that it's us vs. them.

I do believe that our conscious minds are neverending wells that we are privileged enough to fill with whatever we want. We just have to make sure that we are the ones filling them. With our hearts in the right places.